I am scarred »

Tonight, my friend linked me to the profile of one of the ugliest "girls" I have ever seen on thefacebook.

Thank you, Helene. I love you too.

ADDENDUM //

In a (probably vain) attempt to prove that I am not a superficial bastard, this is an excerpt of a conversation I had with Helene (who is not the ugly girl):

balthazar: im exagging about the ugliness
balthazar: but the fact that her profile pic is what it is makes me not feel bad about it
hmeister: not really though
hmeister: exactly
balthazar: like if she were pathetic ugly id never post that
hmeister: yes, but she tHINKS she's hot
hmeister: so that's just wrong
balthazar: but shes so fakey "im going to pretend i have a french accent even though im clearly a fob and you can tell by looking at me or listening to me or even oh Lord smelling me and im so french and cosmopolitan and sophisticated that i love me and im so hot and wow boys want to touch my coochie coochie and isn't that what they call it in france" that it makes me sick

Ed. note: her profile pic is one of them glamour shots where a sheet is artfully draped over aforementioned coochie and rose petals are scattered about scandalously, and which is so heavily airbrushed that if everyone had such open access to a zit zapper of Such Obvious Talent, proActiv would go out of business.



ADDENDUM II //

I showed Allegra two pictures: an unairbrushed candid of Ugly Skank, and the glamour shot of Ms. Skank and this was her response:

legs: OH LORD
legs: hahaha
legs: you can almost make out her butt
legs: THATS SOOOOOOOOOoo scandalous
legs: who knew from [the candid] she is such a tramp
balthazar: hahahahahaha
legs: seriously i can almost make out her vagina
balthazar: HAHAHAHAHA
legs: the power of makeup?
legs: like wtf..how is that the same person

ADDENDUM III //

I am enjoying this too much.

e l i z a: you know
e l i z a: ppl are always like omg mulan dressed like a man to go to war
e l i z a: if mulan looked like this she'd have no problem
e l i z a: dude she looks like my guy cousin